BMT # 2 – The Journey ahead…

Yesterday was IVIG and it turned out being a 6 hour day. Liam also had a pic dressing change along with labs and meeting with the team. Liam will get his Hickman placed on the 27th and will be admitted. He will start conditioning on the 28th and I’m so scared. To completely let go and let God, is not possible for me right now. I know I need to but the fear is their regardless of my faith. I know what they are about to do to Liam and maybe that is a comfort for some, but for me it is not. They are adding ATG to his conditioning and it will make Liam very sick. To see your child fighting to breath or puking blood or depending on the many drugs they give to keep him alive is very unnerving to me. I watched him stop eating stop playing and depending on a feeding tube along with TPN to keep him alive. He became very thin and weak. Then you wait everyday to see if the conditioning was enough. Will he get full engraftment, will he survive. The fact that Noa is his donor is a blessing but does not come without worry. I wonder will Noa handle being sedated? Will Noa be able to handle it emotionally if things don’t end well? Will I be able to handle it? I don’t know and like this whole journey we don’t know how it will end. So I beg God everyday to please not take any of my children from me. I love them so much and hope I get to watch them grow to be old…

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